The Poor Broken Hearted

I see the neon lights
The man onstage reminds me of you
The rhythm of your breath and your heart
In the beat of the base
That night so long ago and deep in my memory
Forgive me, I never meant to hurt you
I woke up too late afterward
I thought you were like everyone else
But that just goes to show that we never knew each other
At all

Comic Time!

Buy this Book

My friend Shores self-published this really funny book. Called Lotto, Scratchers and Tall Cans. It reminds me of a book a young George Carlin or Bill Maher would write. It's smartly written and sarcastically funny as hell. It's published on Lulu.com you can click on the title of this blog or go to Lulu and search Ryan Shores if you're interested. 

I wanna throw my Shoe!!!

Am I the only one in this country who is disturbed if not freaked out by all of these new "laws" that Bush is trying to throw in under the wire? The last one I heard about (but curiously can't find info about on the news sites) is that a medical person, doctor, pharmacist, etc. could refuse to give you medication if they have a moral objection to it. What the hell? Then why be in the field? So there would be a possibility that someone would deny me birth control if they thought it meant I was a slut? or I can't get meds cause they believe that I actually have satan inside instead of a tumor. Jesus that's all I need when I have to deal with our bullshit healthcare, some "official" with the ideals of Tom Cruise. If this is gonna pass then I wanna be a pharmacy tech so that I can deny boner pills to old men cause I believe when they turn 65 it's time to stop fucking, hey if they can dish it they better be able to take it. What is up with Bush and these "laws" and then holding "friendly", "productive" meetings with President-elect Obama? Doesn't everyone hate it when it's time for your work shift and the asshole before you made a mess of your work station. Man, maybe we should all take turns chucking our shoes at him.

Now time for some pretty girls!!

Penny says fuck you to botox...

Just a kick back kind of day...

Hollywood dreams?

Out of nowhere I started listening to Jagged little Pill, I forgot how much I love that album. How I loved it when I was a girl, and right after it was a P.J Harvey song (M-Bike) Damn, I'm in love with my Ipod. I'm watching Prey for Rock and roll, It's such a cheesy movie but I love Gina Gershon. I'm prepping myself for the move back. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, knowing that I'll be going there in snowy weather isn't exciting me exactly, but I am preparing on going back and taking the city by the balls cause I have no other choice but to do so. I worked my ass of to get there now I have to work my ass of there to get back here/hollywood. 

A fairy tale, Pt II

There once was a boy who was fascinated by the sea. His father was a sailor, his father's father was a sailor and as a child that what he knew he wanted to be. From morning 'til dusk he would wander the shore placing seashells, sand dollars, and any bit of glass that the ocean had smoothed into jewels into his pocket until they were ready to burst. He wanted to know what it was like to ride on the water; what mysteries did the ocean hold? He had heard the stories of the sailors passed on from generation to generation about the monsters and the kingdoms under the water. Someday, he told himself, he would find them out. 

One day he found himself a man, a sailor, trading goods from port to port always returning to his home at the end of his journey to his sweet, pretty fiance. His fiance had everything he thought he could ever want from a woman. She was blonde with eyes the cobalt blue of the Atlantic. She too was fascinated by the sea, it's creatures and it's shells, however she never set foot in the water. It's strength frightened her. So, she would wait at the port for the Sailor to come home. 

The Sailor was on his route to Morocco. The waters were still, a dead calm. The was a splash and he saw a glitter of a blue fin slip under the water. Too small to be a shark, he thought to himself. He ran to the bow but he couldn't see which way it had gone. That night, he lay on deck in a dreamless sleep, until he thought he heard a soft singing. It was so beautiful that he began to hum along only to have it returned with laughter. He woke instantly. Perched on the railing was a woman. He blinked and rubbed his eyes. It was a woman with dark eyes and dark hair. She had a long tail that twinkled like silver diamonds in the moonlight. 

So the stories are true? He asked not knowing he said this out loud.

She laughed softly at him and reached out her hand. On the inside of her wrist he could make out the three slits that were gills. She laughed when he noticed. 

You may come with me if you like, She said, You are the one.

Every fiber of his being longed to take her hand.

If you fear death, do not, you will be safe with me.

Every story he had heard, every swim he had taken, every shore, every shell lead him to this and still he stood there. The woman looked puzzled, she withdrew her hand and her eyes began to turn very sad. She had watched him and waited for this moment all her life.

I can't, he told her, the words barely audible

Tears fell from her eyes, they glittered as she jumped back into the water.

The Sailor returned to his town a few days later. His heart was twisting when he saw his Fiance. He began to spend his nights walking alone on the beach looking for the dark haired woman. His eyes scanned the horizon in vain. His Fiance told herself that this behavior was just nerves. She told him that they would be so happy. They were married the following day. The week of the honeymoon, neither of them spoke to each other. The Sailor tried to fool himself into thinking that everything was alright. He still woke in the middle of the night thinking he heard the woman's beautiful soft laughter. The pan in his heart throbbed and he grew more distant. His wife woke one morning to find him gone. The only thing missing was his boat. She did not scan the horizons for him. When the boat returned a week later empty she knew what she had known all along.

Work in this economy?

Doing the L.A find work rain dance still. Not a bite damn. I want a friggin audition there. I would feel bad if I went back without even being considered for something. I don't know what notices are used for jobs there. The ones I found don't have any, that might just have something to do with the crappy economy. I heard that this whole auto-industry going under disaster is taking down soap operas budgets. Lord, it's the domino effect.

Just an Idea

I just read an article in an old magazine that described the person whom it was about as "one of those lucky folks who actually has her dream job." Who says that you have to be lucky to do what you want and have what you want out of life? Who says that you aren't entitled to have the life you want to have? What if the reason why we can have such passions for things the universe's [whatever name you want to call it] easy way of sorting up our lives and we are just complicating the flow with our "societies" views (which are only chosen by a few trying to keep the dregs in line) and beliefs that happiness happens with luck and knowing just a few people?

Random thought before bed...

I think listening to Beethoven while I write a blog counteracts the brain cells I am supposed to enlarge? Seriously though I just bought "the Essential Beethoven" and it's rocking my world. I love it. 

My next boyfriend better like opera, and actually want to take me to one; I have decided. Oh yes I am that kind of girl!

True Confessions pt 1

And now Story before bedtime...

The only drugs I have ever taken are Caffeine, Nicotine, and Alcohol, but that's not the confession part. I dated this frat guy that was heavy into drugs HEAVY, no unfortunately he wasn't in the one that got drug busted (that's a story for another day). So one night I am at his apartment and he's bored as hell and craving a fix and he drags me with him across campus to his friends apartment. I went into the place and the guy who lived there had people over. My boyfriend notices this guy in a corner completely stoned and introduces him all excited, saying that this guy was this amazing writer and all the other high monkeys mutter something in the affirmative to me. My boyfriend goes into another room leaving me alone with "Hunter S. Thompson" who just happens to have a copy of his book on him. He hands it to me, I politely smile and open the manuscript. It was 70 pages of adjectives strewn together with like 10 nouns, All I could gather was that the character was on a beach, i think. It was the most amazing piece of shit-waste of time ever but I give him props for actually getting himself into a state (or anyone for that matter) where it would make sense. 

At this point I notice this girl come in with her boyfriend. My boyfriend comes out of the room with the host pipe in hand stoned. They sit next to me and the girl starts flirting with my boyfriend. I don't take offense cause I know that he's reaching the point where all that registers is color. The host lights up a bong and the party takes hits, when it gets passed to the girl I watch calmly as her boyfriend lights her hair instead of the pipe and the only one in the party that notices is me and I don't say shit. Lets put it this way, the chick burned herself a new pair of bangs before anyone noticed anything, ZEXY...

Sweet dreams 

Comic Time

Post #100, woohoo! 

For all you San Diegans

I went to December nights at Balboa park tonight. It's alright if you like really crowded fairs (think a packed Del Mar Fair) but I had fun with the people I was with, saw some Irish dancing and some art. While I was there I ran into a friend who started a business with her daughter. Her daughter dresses up like a princess and goes to little girl parties and sings and stuff. It's a super cute idea so if you happen to know any little girls (or boys) who would like a princess to appear at their party heres where you can get the info:

www.mysingingprincessparty.com

On a side note which has nothing to do with anything, I am watching the new texas chainsaw massacre; wow could they attempt to make this movie any more shallow and complicated do I really need to see Jessica Biel running through a slaughterhouse literally? That is all...

All about the community

So, I've decided to apply for Grad schools at least for now, who knows what my life will be like from one minute to the next. I've been apply to gigs in LA but no one has bit yet. It's so easy in New York I've had to turn down parts while I am here, what is L.A.'s problem? I found out today, that an old friend dropped me and blocked me from myspace and I find it sad and comical as hell. I really don't know what I did to this person and I am surprised that I actually noticed cause I am rarely on there. But wow, I've spoken to this person awhile ago and everything seemed normal. I am going to end up erasing my profile eventually, this whole internet community thing is so strange and silly that instead of someone telling you to leave them alone they can just go. Even when it seems like they were all there. P.S If your reading this this is the last second I will ever think on you.

Doggie Doggie

My 13 year old dog named Wilbur died today. He was a black Dachshund that we got when he was a puppy from the litter of my Grandmothers dog. I kind of had a feeling about him when I saw him when I got home. He wasn't looking well. He hadn't been eating for the last couple of days and I went out today and looked into his dog house and he wasn't breathing. God, this is the hardest part about having pets, you know they don't live long compared to us but it doesn't make the attachment any less severe. It made me think for some reason, where did this little spirit go? My poor little dog all cold and curled up with his eyes closed. I know some people find it silly to be so attached to an animal but I am one of those people who find it hard not to be. And, in away if you've had an animal in your life for a long time like Wilbur, it's almost like a part of your past died with him. If that makes any sense, like it's time to move on and live. Poor little guy. Bye Wilbur, I love you.

Fire walk with me

I found out Twin Peaks is rerunning on T.V now (the Chiller Channel 199 if you have cable). I've been watching it everyday god, I haven't seen this since I was a teenager. I'm pretty excited about it after all these years it's still pretty damn good. I remember when I thought Kyle Mclaughlin was the sexiest agent I had ever seen, and you know, he kinda still is...

Contemplating life and career

So, I'm back in California trying to figure out where exactly I want to be in my life. What exactly do I want to do. I forgot how nice it was to wear what you like and not worry day to day about what you look like. I read once someone describe New Yorkers as all dressed in black so that no one would be worried that they would be out of style; It's completely true. If there's one thing I noticed New Yorkers can do well it is make a head to toe black outfit seem original by alternating textures. I've been pretty frustrated lately with the roles available in the ads, everyone wants the same thing, the same women in a category that I don't belong in or want to.

 I'm feeling torn between living my way in California or going to NY and doing it their way until I can do it my way. 10 years ago I would have never questioned wearing the clothes I wanted or looking how ever I wanted and the scariest thing is now I question whether or not people -whom I probably will never meet or care about- will find me offensive or ugly or poor. I would have never cared about it back then, when did I change?

It makes me think about the book the Fountainhead and the character of Peter who goes through life always pleasing others and having them be the first thing on his mind, which to him is expectance which is the love he is looking for, and ultimately he grows into an empty shell with basically no soul. That scares me, after I read that book I could see how easy it would be to be that kind of a person. There must be some form of that young, hardcore, I'm-gonna-do-it-my-own-damn-way chick inside me somewhere and I have to rescue her before she get eaten alive by one more Madison Avenue piece of shit telling her she's too fat while she glosses her janis-from-the-muppet-show giant lips. I went to New York, did some gigs but something is still missing and if I am gonna change in anyway I would rather grow, Not shrink.

A fairy tale

There once was a young girl who lived at the top of a grate hill that faced a tremendous moor. Every day the wind would whistle and be carried up, up, up to the tree tops that surrounded her tiny little cottage. One day the wind brought to her a handsome stranger. She saw him making his way to the cottage and ran up to meet him. He had been traveling a long way he didn't know where he was going all he knew was that he would know when he got there. She was fascinated by this man and brought him into the cottage and fed him soup and bread that she had made earlier that day. He was very hungry and very grateful for the small meal and in turn told her stories of his wandering, people he had met, places he had seen, all excited the girl, she had never had a need to go any further than the bottom of the hill that held the cottage. The stranger stayed no more than an hour, leaving her with nothing but an embrace and a mind full of mysteries. 

A week later the high winds set another stranger at the girls door, this time it was an old woman who claimed she was lost in the moor for hours trying to find the town. The girl let the woman into her house and gave her bread and wine. The old woman sat eating in silence for sometime when she looked up from her plate she told the girl that to pay her for her kindness she would tell her, her future. The young girl didn't believe in such things but decided to play along. After all the old woman was very poor by her dress and wanted so much to repay her. The woman took the young girl's hand and stared into the palm. "You must leave this place, A terrible storm is going to sweep up the moor and you will not be able to survive it". 'That's silly' thought the girl, 'This home has outlasted storms for generations, this is my home, I will not leave it'. The woman gazed into the girl's eyes, "Your true love waits for you at the end of your great journey, You will know who he is, you have seen his face before." With these words the old woman got up and left the cottage disappearing into the night, the wind whistling like a banshee behind her. 

The young girl was so troubled by this prediction, she didn't know wether to take the old woman's predictions as true or not. Strange, there were never visitors to these parts and with these two she didn't know what to make of it. She decided to continue with her chores as she always had done and put the strange meetings in the back of her mind. However the face of the man that the wind had brought her remained in her minds eye, throughout each day that went on. She never had any desire to leave her home on any adventure. The cottage was the home where she was born and she always had figured she would live there the rest of her days. It was silly to think that, even if she did choose to leave her home, how would she ever find the strange man? She thought on and on about the stories that he had told her. More and more she wished that she was there with him exploring strange lands.

The days crept on, and as the old woman predicted a horrible wind blew in from the north. The girl looked out her window at the approaching storm. "I am not afraid of it" she said. "I have weathered things far more terrible than you". The wind blew on her door, rattled the windows, and shook the floorboards, "You must leave this place," the wind seemed to scream as it tore off the shingles. "You must flee, find your love", the old woman's voice rang in the girls mind. She flew to the window and screamed out into the night "Never! I will outlast you! Do your worst!". 'If I chose to leave it will be of my own accord and nothing else' and she wrapped herself in blankets and sat at the window. She saw the heavens opening up and the storm came crashing around her. The wind and hail pounded on her door as if they had powerful hands knocking urgently. Stray tree branches scraped the wall and the wind seemed to cry to her.  The rain pouring on the window pane began to take the shape of the face of the old woman. "No," she screamed, "I will turn my back to you!" and she turned her chair. The lighting flashed and the rain poured. "If this is all you can do, I will sleep and not think on you another moment." With these words she got up and went and lay on her small bed the face of the old woman still beckoning to her at the window. 

When the girl awoke the next morning the storm had ended. Looking out the window the morning seemed grey but the moor had grown green and lush over night. When she opened the door lying at the foot of the steps was the traveler that she had met weeks ago. With all of her might she pulled him inside and set him on the bench by the fire. It appeared he had been out in the rain the entire night. The rain had brought on a fever to the man and the girl began to nurse him back to health. When he regained the power to speak, he spoke of an old woman whom he met on the road the previous day who told him of new journey he must set himself on. She told him that through all his wandering he had never found the one thing that mattered most in life. She told him to set his sights on the north star and follow it for a day straight though. He had no where in-particular to be and was very interested in finding the one thing that mattered most in his life. He had always considered himself a happy man and was curious to know what was missing. 

When the storm came upon him he couldn't turn back no matter how hard it raged. The black clouds eventually covered the stars but his curiosity and determination pushed him further and further, until he found himself in the middle of a moor staring at the old woman he had seen the day before. "My dear lady what are you doing out here in this monstrous weather?" She just looked up at him and smiled, "Madam are you alright?" The woman came forward and placed her hand to his forehead and that was the final thing her remembered until waking in the young girls cottage. The young girl hand her hand pressed to his forehead, he looked at her smiled, he knew he would find what he was looking for when he would arrive to it. The young girl smiled as she heard this story, for though she never believed in these sort of things she recognized the man's face. -J.M

Back again

I'm Back in San Diego for the Holiday season. I went back on the train, It wasn't as bad an experience as everyone had made it out to be. It was pretty neat to see all the different seasons change before my eyes even though it is November. I went from cold to 80 degrees here in California. I loved crossing the Rockies, I had this protective feeling about it, it was so beautiful that I felt I would scream if I saw a piece of trash anywhere...

Journal entry 11-14-08:

We passed through the Rockies this morning. Colorado was snowing especially when we hit Trinidad. It looked like powdered sugar dusted all over the earth. My first thought was to question if what I saw was white sand and then I noticed the flurries. 

We just hit New Mexico, it was as if the window switched channels. The sun appeared and the snow abruptly stopped. The mountains are flatter here. I see a few mesas, everything is yellow and tan. The only green that remains is a dark forest color. Combined with the clouds that stretch across the sky the land creates a horizon of opportunity and welcome, I can imagine that this is what the settlers saw once they made it over the worst of those mountain peaks.

Comic Time

Don't knock the chick in the Coral...

I left my house today wearing black skinny pants, brown boots and a coral colored velour hoodie. As I made the journey into the Manhattan streets (half of the subways weren't operating normally), I looked around me and my self confidence shrunk a tad. All around me there were a sea of black leather motorcycle jackets and brown coats and tan coats and more black. You couldn't distinguish one person from another except for the occasional colored pashmina or hat. I couldn't help but hearing Pink Floyd's wall in my head as I walked all over trying to find homecoming gifts for my family. I do not fit in here. At least not in the drab neutrals of the holiday season. 

Clothing choice has always been an issue with me, I am drawn to bright colors and pieces with a rockabilly or gothic flare, you know, stuff I am inspired by. I've had this experience repeated since my early high school days, I'm sorry to inform any of my adolescent readers that it doesn't get any better. It takes courage to hold your head up high when you feel like you don't fit in or that people are looking at you and judging. No matter how much you wanna say forget them, sometimes there are days when you can't. Believe me I have tried to do current fashion, I've bought the skinny jeans and the unflattering lipsticks and shirts, but when I actually wear them I feel like, there's no other word for it: a tool, and that is just what I have become. I let the corporations that sponsor the mannequins and the magazines get to me and make me shell out my cash for the ugly frost lipstick that makes me look dead or the jeans that make me look really short and all I have to say for my self is "hey, I'm in style."

I spoke to my mom about this today and I mentioned that I needed a new coat for the bitter cold that will eventually come to NY. I know in CA they are going to sell that stuff super cheap after Christmas and I thought cool I'll have winter clothes like everyone else here and then I sighed and said, "Whatever, I really want a either a red peacoat, spearmint or leopard," I guess I will never learn. Good...

***

1. Shirley Manson

2. Sophia Loren

3. Marc by Marc Jacobs

4. Gwen Stefani

5. Kiera Knightley in the Duchess

6. Courtney Love Circa 1994

Read a freakin' book...

I'm leaving next Wednesday for San Diego, I am so excited to see my family, friends and dogs again. I'm taking the train which is a 3 day journey, I've heard both arguments for it, some people describe it as almost zen like and others tell me I will be so bored. I am bringing enough reading and movies so I think I'll be good. I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday looking for the new Maya Angelou book: Letter to my Daughter. My God, I am nearly finished with it and it is my favorite book she has written so far. The eloquence of this amazing woman is beyond anything I can hope to achieve. There was a book signing a week or two ago which I missed and am still a little angry about but I have seen her speak before in high school which I will remember forever. As she nears the dawn of her life this book is a treasure that she leaves to us, It makes me think of Kurt Vonnegut's last book: Man without a County (at least it was supposed to be) which is pretty great too.
Lately I've been on a reading kick, It started with my computer being in the shop, I've decided to read the entire Strand 80. I've already read 22 of them which was pretty impressive. I'm getting really into Ayn Rand she's not what I expected at all.

***
1. Maya Angelou
2. Anais Nin
3. Ayn Rand
4. Kurt Vonnegut
5. Paulo Coelho

Inspiration.. the Blog

Midnight: November 5th, 2008

Never more so have I felt so connected to this nation. The push and the struggle for someone to trust. The strength of will it took to have someone like me, someone I relate to, represent myself in this country. It is overwhelming. On this day I am an American. On this day I have faith in the power of change. On this day I have witnessed the birth of a new U.S.A. My country with a new look. Much like 9/11 only with a happier circumstance, I can feel, through watching all of those smiling faces and eyes with hope over the nation. A collective stand as one. A nation ravaged/raped, by war, corporations, machinery, and mismanagement, finally having hope, something to cling to, something to be proud of. There is someone to truly represent what America was always supposed to be: acceptance and forward-thinking in the free world. What change will this day bring for my future children? This was too amazing to imagine.
**
What do I do to make this world a better place?
Is it an action, a thought, a breath
I've moved here on my own accord
First woman of many who've come before me.
To live the hard struggle of doing it alone.
I still struggle to show the meaning of why it was so necessary,
Why it is so important to do it on my own feet alone.
***
I personally think that Fiona Apple is one of the greatest lyricists of my generation and I wonder if the reason she is not so widely acclaimed as such is because she is a woman and/or hasn't massively self-destructed ala Amy Winehouse to some how physically prove her frailty...

Iphone...the saga continues

So after the 6th Iphone melt down I dragged all my Mac shit to the store and while I was there for three hours I have come to the realization that all of the apple geniuses are fucking HOT!!! I don't know what it is but every damn one of them are HOTTTT!! Seriously, the guy that was helping me couldn't figure out what was happening with my Mac and phone so he goes in the back and brings out this guy that is even hotter than he was. Now I want to work there, they've sold me.

I went to Boston on Sunday with my friend and got back yesterday. It was absolutely gorgeous. The color was still changing in some of the trees and the weather was completely on our side for the most part. I'm going to post the pictures on Flicker eventually. Boston is now on my official list of places I would go to school. When you live in a big city going out to see nature is so relaxing. I loved the yellows and red in the maple trees the most. I can't wait to go back there.

It's total east coast weather meltdown it's getting cold and I've been sick forever cause I am not used to it. Today at work someone brought this to my attention: Next week we will know who our next President will be (OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA) I'm kinda excited to be in NY for this cause it is going to be intense. It feels like doom or celebrating a new life. Crazy Crazy either way.

Winter rolls in, here come the sickness...

It feels like winter has officially hit New York. My body isn't reacting to the cold very well, I am already feeling the start of a cold coming on. I didn't start this blog to talk about the weather. I've been in this artistic slump lately. I don't know if it is from lack of work or focus or maybe a little of both.

There hasn't been much to go out for acting wise the audition that I went to two days ago went well, the director was a very nice man but once I got the script I could tell I wasn't meant for the role. He wanted me to be a very giddy character and what I was reading wasn't much of a scene where it would make sense to be so "jubilant" so there went that. Oh well, I've actually been homesick lately; I'm going back to San Diego for a month and a half in November just to take a break from all this. It's been so long since I've seen my family if you consider the fact that this is the longest I have ever been from San Diego. While I am there I think I'm gonna look at L.A. see what's going on there. I don't know if there will be much. I don't know if one coast dies down the other picks up, we'll see. I promise I will try to make these more interesting and frequent.

Wow, it has been such a slump of sickness and winter muck, I can't wait for something exciting to start stirring the city again. Outside my window there is this elm tree and I have watched the leaves go from green to red to yellow-brown, the wind picks up and gets violent with it and the leaves blow around, it looks like a snow globe outside my window.

My favorite Obsession

I feel like there is something officially wrong with my neighbor, the ass smell is back, It's so bad I can't even breathe in the kitchen. I haven't written in quite a while. I haven't been up to much, I actually have an audition to go to tomorrow... I'll let you know how it goes.... Since I've been between jobs/gigs I've had alot of me time and time to work on the weird things I am obsessed with....
1. Pugs- since I don't have mine with me I've created sort of a Paper pug garden on my walls... Kinda like the old lady in fried green tomatoes
2. Old lady glasses- I have so many and I love them all, Mary-kate would fight me for them
3. Fantasy Movies- disney, Labyrinth, Legend...I love them all
4. The Simpsons
Oh my god I have to go the stink is getting worse, I really think he died down there...

Open Question

I herby pose a question to my readers... What is up with men shaving off parts of their eyebrows and even making designs like Morris-code? No I don't mean plucking I mean shaving...

What's in a name?

Apparently the Republican Party has sunk to an all time low and have gone back to name calling. So stupid, can't they think of anything else, For the record in case you haven't heard Obama's middle name is Hussien. It's his KENYAN Grandfathers FIRST name, Barack is his father's name and it's not even spelt the same way as Saddam's, Ever heard the lyrics "My daddy gave me a name then he walked away"? done and done. And for the record my first name is Jihan it means "world" in Arabic, those of you who read these know that I am not Arabic but, oh shit change one letter and my name becomes something else. Wow, but am I really that surprised this is the same party that was locking up people a few years ago because of their names, I don't know about you but I am tired of playing Peter and the Wolf with this party, the American people need to grow up for as many red alerts as we have had in these 8 years nothing has happened why are we even addressing something this stupid. I hate to make my blogs about "Is Bettie smarter than an ancient Republican?" but lord someone has to say it.

Get Political

I watched the debates last night. It wasn't anything unexpected, Obama groomed, confident, sensible and McCain, wandering (get out of the shot dude), condescending, and practically trying to sit at peoples laps to address the crowd. I confess never saw the first debate and I have only either read or listened to McCain's ideas briefly before I changed the channel. Actually sitting down and listening to him I realize that people aren't kidding when they say he's way out of touch. He seems to think that all Americans are divided 3 ways Big Corps, Workers, and Small Business owners, the latter being included I guess in workers so really two kinds of Americans, don't get it, me neither. I remember meeting some people in italy and their impression of Americans is that we were weird cause we seemed to live to work like we love the sweat of it, While they saw jobs as their day almost began when the work day was over and they could enjoy themselves. Watching McCain last night I can see why they could see my culture that way. My favorite quote was "We don't have time for on the job training" as he said that it had occurred to me that wow, he's friggin old and he's doing this with Palin. My God can you imagine Palin having to represent this country against Putin! And what is with McCain never saying Senator Obama he kept calling him "that one" or "Obama" show some respect.

incommunicado

So my Iphone took a dump today, I pulled it out of my purse and the screen of doom read that It couldn't make or receive phone calls. I can't remember the last time I was without my cell phone. It struck me as like taking away Linus' blanket like you know that's when all the boogie men come out or you just know that Hollywoods gonna call at 8:00 on a tuesday night. I just bought this phone in like May, it's not the 3G but still I shouldn't be having this many issues with it, fucking Bill Gates...Sheesh.... Maybe the debates will cheer me up....

Comic Time!

This one goes out to the one I left behind!

Get up to date people!

The Vice Presidential debate was last night. I get so frustrated by Sarah Palin describing the majority of the middle class people of America as "Joe Six-Pack". It brings up images of red-necks in trailers ala the Simpson's Cledus the Slack-jawed yokel. It's not america. I wish they, both friggin parties, would stop using the terms "soccer moms" and "Discussions around the family dinner table". In my opinion 9 time out of 10 that doesn't happen anymore in the "middle class"(someone please officially define this) household of America. I don't know why they pretend like America is just one Brady Bunch episode, that definitely isn't the case anymore. Get real politicians, America is and probably never was like that. I know many many families that are working way too damn hard to support their families to have time to go to their kids soccer games or eat around the dinner table cause Mom and Dad or both are working the night shift. Face facts and reality, we are in a depression, fighting a war that we lost before we began, and 5% of the extreme wealth in the world owns, runs us and frankly has us by the balls. If we want to make analogies to the times we live in lets use Medieval not fucking 1952.

My absolute favorite part of the debate was when Palin started on her soccer mom shit and Biden hit her back with [Paraphrase] "I resent that because I am a man I do not know what it is like to raise a family, I know what it is like to be a single Father." That shut her up, I was so proud of him for representing the Daddy's that get shit done in this world. I'm not panning the mom's of this world I'm just saying that Palin is out of touch with just about everything that feminism stands for and about being a female in these times, I'm not gonna vote for her John just because she has a Vagina and has used it! You tried to create a cheap knock off of Hiliary Clinton and every smart girl knows that knock off fall apart about a week after you buy them, don't fool yourself.

My first man...

The first time I ever got that funny sexy feeling in my body I can remember, I was like maybe 8 years old and I saw Labyrinth on tape. The first time David Bowie appeared onscreen I was utterly fascinated, He had me at hello and then when the dance magic number came on I was hooked, If what I had heard about sex was right than this guy was it (this should have sent a clue to my parents that I was never gonna ever, ever, ever bring a normal guy home, nor was I gonna be normal myself). I wanted to live in the ballroom scene with him forever, The masquerade was my favorite and I never understood why the girl never wanted to stay with him forever. I guess that's why I haven't been married yet, lol. Jareth fucked me up for life, I'm still waiting around for my Goblin King.



I actually watched Labyrinth last night and twenty years later it is still friggin awesome, (yes I still have the hots for David Bowie). I'm getting in touch with my inner muppet lover and normally when a legend dies, (ie. Paul Newman, RIP) I think he really gave us all he could and he was done with this world, but Jim Henson is one artist that I truly feel was taken away from us too early, I would have loved to see more of his work. I love the Darker muppet stuff.

P.S
Natalie Dee's comic today is super cute! I thought I'd share:


nataliedee.com

Random thought before bed...

Ok.. So one of the directors I submitted a headshot to wrote me an email saying that he liked me and was considering me for an audition and asked if I could send him more pictures, profiles and full body shots-I usually don't respond to emails like this cause they creep me out, if you wanna see me full body set up an audition but what the hell I sent him some more pictures. Then he sends me this email that-despite his initial "feelings" about me- I do not meet his "vision" of the project. Note to all potential and aspiring directors, I get emails like this all the time and now I am responding in full. Doing the aforementioned correspondence in that manner is the most unprofessional thing I have ever heard of in my life.

If you get a feeling about someone initially you show take time to see them before you decide on your vision. Many, manyyyyyy times in this business you hear stories that the characters that you have strong opinions of can change during the auditioning process. Sometimes what you think works eventually doesn't and you find that a character is totally altered by who you decide to cast. Further more I personally do not like it when directors call me or email when they do not wish to cast me. I have a lot of submissions floating around out there, I am a very busy girl so I don't give a fuck if you are going "another way" believe me if I don't hear from you in say a month I'll know and I'll move on. I know already that you will keep me in mind for other projects if you like me, (it's happened before) all writing me back to tell me in so many words that I am not your cup of tea makes you seem like an immature unprofessional dick-head that likes to take the time out of his "busy" schedule to tell me that I stink. Which in turn makes me damn sure I never want to work with you. Know wonder this "vision" director has had this casting notice out for a week solid, there's probably no one out there that fits it, good luck in the real world to you too man.

I'm Back ya'll

I think I want Tyler Florence! He's so sexy! The Australian(?) guy on Boy meets grill is hot too. Anyway, I took a few days off as you can see to get back into the groove of my life. I was "homeless" last saturday, which was cool at first but then sucked when my feet started to hurt. I stayed the night with my friend and her awesome cat. I love her place, It's in Astoria too.

I closed Richard III on Saturday too. It was a great show and we had an amazing final night. The roles I had were great. I love that I got to do a shakespearian comedy and history/drama back to back and test my chops for both of them. I love working at the ATA but I am super-excited to get back into auditioning. I want to do more film projects since I spent a good two months on stage I want to get back into the swing of film again.

I had an amazing first official non-committed day at home. I went down to the post office and CVS. On my way back I bought some yellow pom-poms -their flowers, and found this really cute hidden away cafe called Freeze Peach on the corner that I never noticed before. Way more amazing then the Starbucks down the street, amazingly priced and portioned. It's like having coffee in your cool basement apartment. I can't wait to hang out there some more maybe get some work done when my apartment drives me nuts.

Hey all...It f**king rains in this city!

Young's Chocolate Stout is the bomb!! My show was rained out tonight after we did the first act in the rain. Pretty exciting! Tomorrow I am semi-homeless cause I have to vacate for 24 hours. I'm a little nervous and a little pissy cause this was so unexpected and it raining outside. I hope it slows down tomorrow, I was thinking of going to the museum of Art or making a trip to Brooklyn or something. I've got to find something in NYC to do for at least 12 hours.

No I don't have to accept that your a racist bastard...

This was meant to be a blog for yesterday but I just got home. I know I've touched on the topic of accepted racism before but whenever I am confronted with it in life it still takes me by surprise and frustrates me to high heaven. To recap, it really bugs me when I am with a group of non-latinos shall we say and someone says out loud "oh yeah I know a Mexican" or "Mexicans are great I used to work with one and he was cool", my personal favorite was back in the day I was having a fight with a boyfriend and I screamed "I bet I am the only Mexican you have ever known in your life!" and he screamed back "That's not true my nannie was Mexican!".

Today I was on that topic with a group of people my age and another woman who was "listening" to our conversation and was talking about how she had been to Acapulco and how she enjoyed Mexican. She found them to be "Primitive" (I am not making this up, she used that word) and "yet with this wonderful sophistication layered over it,(I think she was mistaking them for a Burrito) topped with an ability to work hard (they always through that in there using it like a "no offense" line and well and still know how to have a good time (meaning we make Tequila right)." I don't know if I mentioned this but she was older and white. But, all I could do is stare at her like "Did you really have to open your mouth at all?" And she didn't seem the least concerned that something she had said could have offended me.

It never fails that whenever this happens people tell me "oh she didn't mean it like that" or "It was just a joke." To me, that shit is just not funny. I don't get the joke and I have a low tolerance for ignorant people with no desire to learn that it is wrong. I'm not saying everyone should be overly P.C but give me a break. I don't understand how some people will be so careful not to say anything that might seem offensive to African American people (Even though I do see the backhanded racist stuff the Republican party does to Obama), but will call me a Spic to my face or stretch his eyes out to my Asian friend.
This is wrong we all are on this green kick and loving the earth but we can't even respect our fellow man. Like when Vogue came out with their stupid "Green Issue" and all these chicks were carrying around tote bags that said "not a plastic bag" made by some over-priced designer. Maybe Vogue should put out a "Brown issue" or "Rainbow issue" and all these Backwood mentality/Waspy bastards will learn that it's cool to not talk out of your ass even though you "mean no disrespect." Yeah read my bag it says "It's not cool to call me a Beaner even if that's what your mom calls me!"

Love and Respect people give it and get it.

the Dating Blog

I'm in a new city, a new world, a new life. I must admit the thought of seeing someone while I am out here has dawned on me once or twice. I'm not sure I'm in the stablest position to be in a serious relationship right now but when the inevitable loneliness hits me it's hard not to want to have someone to be there, in "that way". I did make a conscious decision to no longer date the hot messes that I am used to, (Not you dude, relax) and have resolved to be treated right, I know people think wait isn't that a no brainer but there is something about the hot mess that is the "bad boy" that girls are just so attracted to. I'm realizing that if a you realize early on that a person is a mess or "complicated" when you meet them don't bother trying to fix it because the change has to come within the person, your love won't fix it.
Maybe I will start dating again, God Damn, the thought of it scares me right now. I've got to take it slow this time. It feels like this will be the first time I am exploring this, Really dating and not jumping into things. Shit we'll see this blog is making me jittery just writing it... Later y'all

I'm gonna stomp that mouse!

Pizza Pizza

So I just got back from the greatest pizza I've tasted since I've been away from Italy. Shit, Aaron what was it called again? It doesn't matter I know how to find it still. As I was eating I was wondering why it tasted so familiar, then I realized that it tastes exactly like the pizza from Naples, Pretty awesome! I'll be back there for my next pizza fix. Damn good Sangria too. Terribly distracting though because I am constantly on the diet that never ends, That shit just went out the window tonight.
Don't ever start dieting kids it'll drive you crazy for the rest of your life.
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My show apparently wraps this week. HOLY CRAP that was fast. This whole month just flew by. I found a couple of audition notices looking for actors in October so cross your fingers everybody. Fun times Kids fun times.
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I'm looking around at the white walls of my room and I can't wait to paint the crap out of it.

Random thought...

Holy Shit! Travis Barker's plane went down! I wasn't a Blink Fan but I was addicted to the show meet the Barker's. Damn, he's got two little babies and a step daughter. I hope he and DJ AM pull though and My prayers go out to the people that didn't make it and their families. Wow, what a scary tragedy...

Random thought of the day...

I like to think that the lady that hangs out at Westerly all day and whispers "God Bless you" in your ear when you least expect it is an Angel on earth, rather than a fucking lunatic...

Comic Time!

On the plus side the ass smell downstairs has faded! yipee for me!

Method=excuse to be a dickhead!

I'm so sleepy, Shakespeare got no business being this long. Who am I kidding I love this shit. Now if I could just do it on an indoor stage with lights and action like a real girl! That's my main goal right now, however half hearted I look when I am offstage compared to all those crazy method actors working themselves up to ridiculous states of emotion. I don't believe that any craft/art requires you to kill yourself to do it. Can you imagine knitting getting you so worked up it gets you sick? or slapping yourself with paint all over your body as hard as you can so you can "feel the colors"? It sounds stupid cause it is stupid. That's why I don't get method people. In my opinion you have to do it naturally, to a fault, but I don't go for this "working up to it" shit. Especially when it gets violent and loud. (If you have worked backstage and acting you must have already witnessed this at some point) It just alienates the hell out of others.

The worst is is when actors come offstage and lose their nards after some missed cue or whatever bullshit distracts them onstage. If you get distracted by little shiny objects you probably weren't paying much attention anyway. Really people have fun, where else do you get to play pretend as an adult and people come and watch? Do you know how many people auditioned for the part you got? or hinted or dreamed? Be happy and grateful, you could have been one of the many underdogs. Seriously don't act like a jerk off. And for Christsake memorize your lines! There was only one Marlon Brando in this world and industry and there is a reason for that.

*****

Ok., as for the ass smell day 4 there is a fake rose smell whafting up the stairs like someone shot a perfume bomb. So now it doesn't smell of ass but artificial asshole+rose, I should bottle that and mail some scented letters to all my ex's just to let them know I'm thinking of them this holiday season.

*****
P.S. I fucking love Johnny Depp!! It's true it thought you'd like to know that I shamelessly think he is amazing and even in his shit movies he is still awesome to watch and everyone and thing else sucks.

Ass smell going on day 3!!

Thought you might like to know, it still reeks! I thought I'd surprise you all with a vlog but, Youtube takes to fucking long to upload and I got stuff to do today and Blogger only lets you download videos that are I don't know a second long. Better luck next time kids when my patience with life isn't hanging by a thread. Maybe I should do a tequila shot before the show tonight huh?

Don't disturb the Monster under the sink!!

So about a the day before yesterday or so, there was a leak in the apartment that was affecting the downstairs apartments. The landlord came and cut a massive hole in the wall with the plumber so they could reach it and fix it. Problem solved, NOT. Yesterday in the morning I detected the faint smell of ass as I went back and forth down the community stair and by 7 o'clock the ass smell was penetrating through my closed bedroom door. I ended up hermetically sealing the hole my damn self cause God Damn if I was gonna wait for the entire house to smell like sewage. However the apartment downstairs reeks of ass outside the door, flies are collecting and I just saw a roach run under the stove where there is still the faintest whif o' asshole. Jesus I hope the guy didn't come home downstairs and die of the stink, seriously that would be sad, he seems pretty nice.

I fought him and won!!


Seriously, don't move this cardboard.


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On a lighter note my friend Morgan and I made the journey across boroughs to Target. 5 month without it and I forgot how awesome it was. They had a sweet sale on blenders (which I have already Christened with Margarita) that made my day. I had to take a picture of the cart though, there was household products and underwear. We looked like the Desperate Housewives of Astoria.

Comic Time!

Click HERE!

Did anyone else see Tina Fey and Amy Poehler spoof Hilary Clinton and Sarah Palin on SNL? If you didn't you can click this blogs title or go here:
http://perezhilton.com/tv/?videoid=4a7351283919d
It's a Perez Hilton link cause I couldn't find one on you tube that the NBC people haven't taken down, stupid corporations. I'm no big on watching SNL but that was funny as shit!
Yeah, I find Sarah Palin a pretty pathetic choice to represent the American woman in this election. She's such an old school Grandma, complete with the wacky religious & ethical beliefs that change to fit what she is saying and she's a proud gun toting red-neck. Come on all who doesn't want grandma and grandpa kettle in the white house? People get real..

Ch-ch-ch-Chocolate!

So someone commented "what's with you and chocolate?" last blog, well I'll tell you! It all started about two years ago, after college I got really into wine and all the different tastes and complexities and stuff. Then one day I decided that I was fat so I pick up the recent bestselling diet book at the time called french women don't get fat. Much to my delight when the fatty-fat month was over I discovered that the book wasn't a standard follow this diet plan and get thin book but a total food lifestyle change book where you discover and learn how to actually taste your food. You may think well when I put food in my mouth I taste it, after reading this book you'd be surprised. Well flash forward a year or so when I discovered the sequel to that book, A french women for all seasons which had a whole section about chocolate and chocolate tasting. I was so excited to discover the different tastes of chocolate and different cocao percentages. Much like wine the equipment and other factors play into the taste of real chocolate and it fascinates me. I am currently reading the essence of chocolate and making killer PB and Chocolate cookies while I write this, quite exciting, don't you wish you were at my house?!

Random Quote of the day: a lady by the Apple store tells her kid "Yeah I know meat is murder, Hot tasty murder"

We got rained out...

Our show got rained out tonight, Boo... Oh, well, I could actually use the break. So what have I been up too you ask. I've been baking cause, what can you really do when you're house bound and sick. I had a friend tell me that he use's pillsbury crescent rolls to make chocolate croissants so I tried. I wrapped chocolate squares in the store bought rolls (which were kinda hard to figure out, cause they wouldn't unroll like the friggin picture) then I made and egg wash of and egg a bit of sugar and vanilla, wisked it all together, brush it on the rolls generously and sprinkle with sugar, voila instant chocolate fix! They taste okay, next time I will use a sweeter chocolate but I like bittersweet which is what I used. Try it kids...

Remembering...7 years ago

Today marks 7 years since the Tower fell on 9.11. The day outside has been gloomy and dark. I haven't brought myself to watch any news but I was down at the site yesterday. My god it was huge I can't imagine, actually I am too afraid to imagine it. 7 years ago this was the day, in my eyes, where the country began to fall and the President began to fail his people. I hope this upcoming year and years to come brings healing and peace, I can't tell you how wonderful it would be to see the light again...

FUCK fashion yo!

So truth be told I only own one pair of Jeans, Why you may ask because all the jeans I try on in the store either are cut too low (I mean really I just can't get used to wearing pants that, frankly, barely make it over my vagina no matter what magazine I see them in) or are made for those damn girls that never grow into their thighs after their pre-teen years. Seriously is it that hard to fucking find a pair of decent jeans in all of New York?

The pair I was wearing were size 6 Lucky's so I went to century 21 and grabbed a bunch meaning at least 6 pairs from sizes 6 to 12 and not one pair fit right!! I was not about to go to a size 16 cause I damn well know that I am not that size. Granted the majority of them were those fucking skinny jeans which are all you can find right now. Fuck that! this is why I wear so many strange and vintage outfits when you see me on the street, it's not cause I am trendy it's cause nothing goddamn fits! And then now we decided to get all UK but instead of trying to take on the metric system we change the jeans size to 20-35 instead of 0-13, so then your doing the math in your head like an asshole trying to figure out what the hell size you wear. It's not worth it and frankly it leaves me so sad that my fat ass goes outside and eats a big ice cream cone like, "well shit what's the point of I'm never gonna fit into anything anyhow fatty fat fat fat!" (I'm not fat by the way, but if the jeans that I have on fit me perfectly I should only deviate one or two sizes not the end of the rainbow! As logical as that seems.)

Any girls out there know where I can get a pair of jeans that doesn't make me want to swallow laudanum after I leave the store?

Let's all settle this with a big glass of Hemp Milk!

I need to get out more. It's raining like a Mothafucker here. I like New York rain but not when I have to trudge across boroughs through it with my pathetic little umbrella that cost me a fortune. Tonight's our final dress and we open tomorrow. I'm as ready as I'll ever be. There's some good people on this show that I really like working with. I think I've said this before but my favorite scene to do is the Clarence murder scene. If you come to the show stay to watch that. Every night we get more and more into it. I love working with the Shakespearian "language" and as we get better I can hear the words clearly and this has become one of my favorite Shakespearian plays. I don't know about other actors but I don't get much of a grasp on scripts unless I hear them out loud whether I speak it myself or watch the show beforehand. This especially happens to me with Shakespeare.

I made the trek this morning in the rain to whole foods and while I was buying soymilk I noticed that they sell hemp milk. Now I will partake in the drinking of the soy plant, you got me there but Hemp just doesn't strike me as something I should drink even if it's Vanilla flavored. It made me think of that Lewis Black joke how it's Soy Juice cause there's no soy tittie, Where's the Hemp Tittie? HA, eww gross, I'm done....

Still Counts as Mondays post!!

I still have a few minutes left...

Another big idea brought to you by Bettie

I'm thinking of maybe writing another blog strictly on food and restaurants here in NYC. Right now at least because my acting life is a little monotonous being in a show, I'm not saying it's not exciting it's just become a nine to fiver. It'd be a separate blog and more than likely weekly and not daily. There's just so much that I am experiencing culinary-wise in this city that I though you would like to know about.

I'm not rich like some of the other food critics you read are, how they are like, "Well on the upper-east side at a bargin of $90 a plate you can get the [insert fancy french shit here] blah blah tastes splendiforously supercalifragilisically marvelous, pate, fours, gras, caca blah Blah" No, I'd write with my 25 year old brain "I like Kee's Chocolates in Chelsea because they have all kinds of subtle flavors in their truffles and use excellent chocolate preparations. The truffle melts in your mouth slowly and since I had the Jasmine flavored one I could breath flowers through my nose while I ate it. Sounds strange but it was cool. I love it and I only needed one (they're 2.50 each) to be satified which is a record for me."

What do you think? I'd check the place out, I love food but fancy language and haute couture can bother me sometimes. Now for some Ratatouille Pictures...
Who wants some?!



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We open in three days holy shit! I better memorize my last bit of lines, I keep putting it off like a high schooler putting off finals, like oh, this day is never going to come and then it all floods in at once. Oh Lordy, I'll be able to do it though... I've still got to search for what I am going to do for the next two months... Oh yeah I added my Twitter to my blog it's on the right side under my archive section, It's just random thoughts of the day...Peace, Obama '08

Ratatouille and Rehearsal

It's incredible humid today in New York. I went down to Union Square, I wanted to make Ratatouille before I went to rehearsal. The stupid wholefoods paper bag burst because It was so wet from the humidity. It's supposed to rain again today I hope It happens soon so this cloud will go away. I can smell the Ratatouille baking in the kitchen. I used all local ingredients so It should taste pretty awesome. I think I made way too much though, I don't know what I'm gonna do with it all... Anyone want Ratatouille?

Rehearsals are going well, Last night the murderer scene was the best that It has ever been. It got me thinking of the nature of the beast. How you can have this amazing performance that you are so proud of but in the end it is a fleeting moment that can't be relived ever again in the same way. It lives only now in the mind of those few who were there to see it.... I hope we get good audiences this show, even if the play is 3 hours long....

Umm...ok

So someone left a comment that Equus isn't about Fetishism and that Daniel's 19 ok... Well he's still a teenager and he is fixated on horses, and yes I got the whole mix in with religion, and philosophy and the unsatisfied psychiatrist and such but I don't want to give away spoilers on why I believe that it does seem to me to deal with forms of fetishism. Theatre is an art form that is welcome to all kinds of interpretation, what I may see and read won't necessarily be what you interpret. There is no right way to view an piece of art and the wonderful show I saw last night was rich with visuals and emotion. There were parts of the play and the production I saw last night that my interpretation of Daniel's performance makes me see it that way. Even 19 is still younger than me and close enough to the characters age to still have me stand by my opinions. I welcome criticism if it's constructive and not just someone rudely and anonymously telling me that I am wrong. This is my personal blog and thoughts I'm not Perez Hilton or some shit so, please people don't get all hostile and butt hurt with me on this damn thing, it's just my opinion, O.K If you want go watch the play yourself and write your own review on your own blog.

A night at the theatre...

Last night I went to see the invited dress of Equus (It's starts previews tonight) and I was blown away. It was amazing, I had never read or seen the play before. This production was so dark, erotic and slightly disturbing. It's kind of not brainer when I think about it but, I was actually surprised that it was about fetishism. I got to go because my friend and roommate is in the cast. I love watching him onstage. He can make the most vibrant characters effortless. Daniel Radcliffe and Richard Griffiths were great.

Yes, Daniel does get naked with the girl in the last scene. In my eyes Daniel is still just a boy, really didn't he just barely turn 18? He gave off that vibe that you have at that age when you are still just a child about those things. I'm not saying that he came off insecure at all but he still hasn't lost all the awkwardness that comes after your teen years. He's not exactly a man yet but he's not a boy. It made it compelling to watch him in the entire performance, not just the nude scene. The girl was bolder with her nudity but I think she was older playing younger.

The Dancers playing the horses were amazing. They had on these shoes that were horseshoes on 5 inch stilts but they had no heel support, you really have to see them to believe them. They were in brown long sleeve lightweight shirts and brown corduroys and they wore horse masks made out of steel rods whose eyes lit up. The Dancers were all six feet at least and in top condition. The effect was disturbing and erotic. I joked with my friend after the show that I never had a equestrian fetish until now. They were beautiful, you could tell that they studied the movements of the horses and it came across well. They looked like men who embodied the spirit of horses. Gorgeous all of them and haunting, god I wish I could see it again.

I can't stand the republican party

HA! Hypocrites!

I eat whatever I want...

I can't tell you how much it bores me when people talk to me about diets, eat whatever you want y'all, I'm not saying be a total porker but life's too short to eat only salads.

I invent inventive recipes when I am bored...

I had no idea Richard III was sooooo long, holy mother of hell, I'm having fun with it though. Someday I want to play Queen Margaret cause I love her curses monologue... Damn it's too hot to think again, it was 87 degrees and all I see in the store windows are peacoats... Whatever, I'm stuck in limbo between which cooking class I want to take, Chocolate or Mexican food; lets have a vote, I decided to try to cook tequila chicken today but I couldn't find a good recipe so I made one up and it got me pretty buzzed, I found it funny, want the recipe? it was put a chicken breast in a sandwich bag and add equal good sized glugs of lemon juice and tequila then I added tarragon, oregano, salt, pepper, cayan pepper and adobo. Mix it all up and put it in the fridge for about a day then grill it. It's like a shot with poultry. This is what happens when I am left to my own devices too damn long. I did make a killer mocha with Ibarra chocolate the other day though...

If you don't like magazines Bloomingdales isn't for you..

The Show closed on Saturday, It was a good run and an amazing experience. I met some really good people and had fun doing it. I move on now to Richard III, I play three characters in that one mainly boys, and the 2nd murderer. I'm really lucky because the murderer scene is an amazing one...I went to Bloomingdales today, I'd never been there before and people kept telling me that I had to go and check it out. I realized, that place is hella BORING! It's like being in a woman's magazine where everything is way too small and so over priced I didn't even bother touching things. There was a sale going on supposedly but nothing where the signs were, were on sale. I smell tourist trap...I did end up finding a cooking school that has relatively cheap lessons on all kinds of meals and pastries. Which is exciting, Keep me busy until the ending of this show brings me back into the auditioning realm Dun, Duh Dun Dun... That's what's been up with me in these last few days, besides rehearsal...

Yes HE Can!

As I passed by the Brooklyn Diner on 57th St. last night all 4 of their T.V's were tuned onto Obama's address, watching history in the making. I woke up this morning and watched the speech that the show had me miss last night. It's absolutely refreshing to hear an address by a man who doesn't sound like Ernest addresses the nation. I wonder if the feelings I got watching this were the same as someone watching Martin Luther King jr. speak or JFK or Lincoln. I've been asked rather rudely at times if I think Barack Obama will change all the problems in this country, if "He'll fix things." All I can say is that I am tired with the struggles in this country and I have hope which is about all we can carry these days. Yes, I believe him.

Always the graceful one..

Graceful like Ballerina:

There's no graceful way to fall on your ass...

Note before I run out the door...

I made the trek across town to Kmart and now it looks like Martha Stewart broke into my apartment and threw up all over my kitchen! I don't know what it is with kitchen appliances and fixins but I get so excited like, "Oh, my god an onion cutter and apple peeler, I totally need one of those!" as if I didn't own a knife. Something about it also screams to my soul, "I'm a big girl now," which I love.
Last nights Journal entry (yes I really do think about things like this):
8.24.08
Sundays are lazy days in this city. For me it brings a wave of contentment and feels like a day long siesta where the city sits and sighs. Not much happens and all you feel like doing is sit and read and sip on a glass of wine. The traffic is sparse in the street. You can cross even the busiest roadways without waiting for the traffic light. The shops are closed and there's a stillness in Manhattan, maybe it's the calm before the storm. Maybe it's because I live in Astoria. I like the comfort of peace and not having the entire week bleed together.

I fell down went BOOM!

Last night during the show I twisted my neck the wrong way and stood up too quickly. I stood up to make my cross over the stage and blacked out and fell. It was beautiful, I recovered myself quickly and got off stage as quickly as I could but now I have a seven inch long bruise on my shin from the side of my knee down and a big 3 inch round one where my ankle meets my foot. Sleeping last night was impossible. Lord, I need to take some pictures of them, they're pretty amazing. I'm glad for the few days I have to recover.

Comic Time!

A letter to the man with the flag...

Dear Mr. President (or Future Mr. President),
I just spent a butt-load of money on Birth Control. I don't care what your religious beliefs are, I am not a slut, I'm a responsible woman. My question to you is why can't Birth Control be over the counter? I know you think that once young girls get ahold of that little circle box they immediately run straight for a career in the bordellos. Or that you think that by teaching them that abstinence is the ticket to letting them understand their reproductive rights but please get out of the way back machine. Move with the times man. I look now at these pop-icons of the new millennia, teenage girls and boys painted and posed by older perverted adults just to sell ratings. These shows glamorizing teenage sex as way better and much more fun than any sex that you could have as a mature adult. Teaching our kids to "get it while it's young".

I feel for the girls of this generation, they must be more confused then ever, growing up with their own icons pregnant before their 16th birthday or posing naked or provocatively for their boyfriend on the internet. It seems like such a toxic environment for our children full of sexual confusion much more so than any of the other confusion that goes along with growing up. How do you expect that abstinence only classes will work in this environment. I know your not a book smart man but open your eyes. The least we could do is teach our children to protect themselves if the pop-icons are doing such a piss-poor job of being role models. I think that if I can by condoms in a CVS store for $10 I should be able to buy my pills for the same, come on the tampax people already are ripping us women off by hiking up their prices. These are modern necessary items for a woman of this century and culture. Besides, you must agree that Birth Control does us girls from having that A-word that you hate so much, or we can always scotch tape young mens penis' to their leg until they are 18, that's your way of thinking right George? Because I personally am sick of you trying to decide what is wrong or right for my body. We are not living in 18th century England, girls and boys aren't chaperoned anymore. All I want is some friggin slack I don't want to have to jump through hoops to reap the "benefits" that should be readily available to me. P.S. As I am writing this George I am not currently sexually active nor am I pregnant so let that blow your mind.

Table for One...

One of my favorite things to do is eat good food, (next to another favorite of mine, cooking). Here I am in a city that has every kind of food you can imagine from all over the world. Tons of restaurants opening and closing all around me and I am too shy to explore. We'll that was until Saturday.
I always was the type of girl who thought that in order to visit restaurants you had to be accompanied by a man or friend or family. I always thought that it would be pathetic to show up alone, "Surely someone would go with you?" and I was afraid that the wait staff would treat me like I was a friendless lost puppy or something or that they would announce "Party of one or it would be like Disneyland when there is an odd number of people on a ride and they seat you with some stranger. The whole prospect of enjoying a restaurant seemed impossible. It's funny though, when I was traveling in Italy on my own I ate in restaurants by myself often; when I didn't want to eat where the group was eating or just wandering alone. I never had a problem with it, I guess I figured that it was a foreign country and I didn't speak the language fluently and by the looks of things it seemed to be the norm.

As I walk down the streets of my new city I love looking at restaurant menus in the window and telling myself, "I have to go here", "that sounds good" or "I wonder how that food tastes" or "what the hell kind of food do they eat in Ethiopia?" Always hesitating and being kind of sad and angry because who would come with me? I decided one day that I should just do it my damn self and not be so embarrassed by the whole thing (for some reason I think more women have this problem than men, I know men who eat alone at restaurants.) That on top of me being inspired to take some upscale cooking classes (I want to work with food as my next day job) forced me to just take matters into my own hands.

I chose my first restaurant: The Coffee Bar in union square. It's a diner style restaurant. I took my cell phone and my journal with me. To my surprise when I said "Table for One" the hostesses didn't even give me that second look that I was dreading and took me straight to a table. I was scribbling in my notebook the whole time they must have thought I was a critic. They had the best herb fries. I found the whole experience so empowering it was great I felt so relaxed there I spent an hour, which I never thought would have happened. I'm not saying I am resolved to eat every restaurant meal alone but it has it's perks.

Top Five Things that make dining alone awesome:
1. You don't have to make awkward conversation with anyone
2. You know who is paying for the check
3. No one expects "a happy ending" quid pro quo
4. You don't need to constantly worry if the other person is disgusted with the way you eat
5. You don't have to focus on the price side of the menu

Quickie!

A quick note but none the less exciting while my life is moving so fast I can barely keep up. I just got cast in Richard III @ ATA quite exciting. Merry Wives is going well too come and see it if you are in town... Much love I'll write more tomorrow I promise

Merry Wives Update

I've been quite busy for a few days. The show is going great, I'm really happy with it. Here are some pictures from it. Thus begins my NYC theatre debut!
Come see my play if your in town:


I get to carry a big stick and a big knife in this show:


Actors are messy:

I should just bath in a meat locker

I heart my new baby coffee maker! I heart it so hard! No more plugging money down the overpriced starbucks hole...It seems that the hot water heater is broken FUUUUCK! Now I smell like wet dog! I thought I had used up all the hot water yesterday and that's why it wasn't working but there's no hot water today either. Shit, I haven't had to take a cold birdbath in the sink since a S.D black out in the '90's that lasted a few days. NO fun, either that or I don't know how to use a radiator in the bathroom... I'm not in Antarctica or camping in the mountains, I want my Hot Water!!

Comic Time!

Talk to you later...

Miss Lulu has a Request

Too Much Jane Austen Meets Puggy Thoughts:


I finally picked up Pride and Prejudice after years of saying that it wasn't my thing but since I decided to do this whole side study of love and romance I thought I'd give it a chance. I'm actually liking it so far, it's not as painful a read as I thought it would be.
I miss my pugs so much. There was a storm this morning and I missed having them to hug with me under the covers. Stupid New York no pet leases. There's just something about a dog being there when you get home that is comforting. I've never been into Cats. I don't get their personalities and I am terribly allergic to them. Plus I love ugly dog faces, There's something about seeing a dog with a face that looks like it was hit by a frying pan that makes me laugh and smile.

How Come I Don't Climb Trees Anymore?

I've already mentioned that I am using the book: The Artist's Way by Julie Cameron. One of the tasks she gives is to write down things you enjoyed as a childhood. I like doing this because you don't know until you've thought about it what you enjoyed so long ago and what it means now. Things that you used to like you wonder "wow, why did I stop doing that" and "oh, yeah that must explain why ___". I thought I'd post some here, you should do your own.
Things I liked as a Child:
Coloring books
Writing stories
Flowers
Reading
Playing with Dolls
SInging
Disneyland
Jumping Rope
Climbing on things
Libraries
Beaches
Ice Cream Cones
Cookies
Taping things I liked to my bedroom walls
The Wizard of Oz

The Countdown & Reading the leaves

During last nights rehearsals it finally hit that we open in four days!! Oh my god that is so crazy. I'm ready for it, I'm excited, I saw the rough copy of the program and I was just in awe. Wow, my bio is in a NYC program. I'm doing theatre professionally this is such a dream come true. I feel like all my hard work and tears are leading up to this and whether or not people like the play or whatever anyone says about it, I am proud. To think two years ago when I gave all this up to just let it reside in the back of my brain as a silly dream that wouldn't happen, all the talks ("well if I ever decided to do this I would go to New York instead of L.A") about "if", has now become I am, and it's a wonderful feeling.



I'm currently reading Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass, I'm not going to front like I'm all smart, I'll admit it is fairly difficult for me to understand at times. The poetry is unlike anything I have ever read before and it is not easy to understand some of the ways he flows his words but there are quite a number of points that he makes and descriptions that I absolutely love. I saw a biography on PBS about him which got me interested in reading the book. A very tragic figure, but an incredibly powerful writer.