The day when it dawns

I woke up nestled in my lover's white sheets. Woke up looking into eyes the color of a cloudless sky; long honey colored lashes. Remembering the strength I felt the night before and the night a few days before that.

He kisses me and runs his long fingers down my back. He gets up, puts on the clothes thrown on the floor and makes me the coffee he had started 12 hours ago.

I always love looking around the floor surrounding the bed at the scattered remains. He asks if I would like a cup, handing me a small serving in a dainty floral tea cup that has been in this borrowed apartment forever. We snuggle and I read the New York Times together, miles away from anything going on there. He gets out his laptop to check the baseball score. Charmingly explaining each score, illuminating me on the extreme difference between the Mets and Red Socks. I drink my coffee like an english rose, smiling to myself. I won't tell him my Grandfather had been taking me to games since I was in diapers. I point out the picture of the Somalian Refugee on the front page. Eyes glazed in tragedy, beautifully shot by a photographer who went home to a meal after taking it.

He tells me about how he has a hard day ahead of him. I put the paper aside, "Oh please tell me about the hard life you lead." I laugh. "Well, I get up at 2 in the afternoon," he kisses the inner part of my elbow, "I wake up with a beautiful woman in my bed," he kisses my mouth, "And I have to get my haircut at 3."

Time for the release of the old and beginning a new

It appears as though it has only been a little over a year since I have written. It feels like years though. This blog I started in NY working as an actress. It served me exceedingly well and helped put a damper on my loneliness. I moved back to San Diego for my reasons. My goal now had turned to becoming a full blown writer, meaning paid :) I'm the last year I was lucky enough to have both extreme happiness and crushing sadness and the pain that comes with both. This has molded me into something I feel is very very different than before. I realized that I missed blogging. Arianna Huffington was on Bill Maher the other night talking about how self expression was the new form of entertainment and that it could be used either highly or frivolously depending on what people do with it. I'd like maybe try a little of both.

Peace + <3
BC/JJ

Dunkin Dominos

I am now under the impression that Dunkin' Donuts in New York is the best fucking coffee ever. I love my coffee maker, I love it so hard. Anyway, I saw the Dominos Pizza video of the employees putting shit in their noses and farting on the food way too early this morning, I think they need to go to jail simply because of the fact that they thought that they wouldn't get in trouble for it. I'm gonna read fast food nation soon so hopefully coupled with this video it'll keep me thin for life. Yay day off, my two day off goals are gym and laundry, wooo exciting. I'm thinking of doing eharmony cause I'm bored and yeah, curious but if I do I'm totally gonna tell you about how it goes, I can't wait. Anyway, I'm hungry and I'm putting off breakfast, stupid dominos hicks...

Random thought before bed...

I think listening to Beethoven while I write a blog counteracts the brain cells I am supposed to enlarge? Seriously though I just bought "the Essential Beethoven" and it's rocking my world. I love it. 

My next boyfriend better like opera, and actually want to take me to one; I have decided. Oh yes I am that kind of girl!

Back again

I'm Back in San Diego for the Holiday season. I went back on the train, It wasn't as bad an experience as everyone had made it out to be. It was pretty neat to see all the different seasons change before my eyes even though it is November. I went from cold to 80 degrees here in California. I loved crossing the Rockies, I had this protective feeling about it, it was so beautiful that I felt I would scream if I saw a piece of trash anywhere...

Journal entry 11-14-08:

We passed through the Rockies this morning. Colorado was snowing especially when we hit Trinidad. It looked like powdered sugar dusted all over the earth. My first thought was to question if what I saw was white sand and then I noticed the flurries. 

We just hit New Mexico, it was as if the window switched channels. The sun appeared and the snow abruptly stopped. The mountains are flatter here. I see a few mesas, everything is yellow and tan. The only green that remains is a dark forest color. Combined with the clouds that stretch across the sky the land creates a horizon of opportunity and welcome, I can imagine that this is what the settlers saw once they made it over the worst of those mountain peaks.

Inspiration.. the Blog

Midnight: November 5th, 2008

Never more so have I felt so connected to this nation. The push and the struggle for someone to trust. The strength of will it took to have someone like me, someone I relate to, represent myself in this country. It is overwhelming. On this day I am an American. On this day I have faith in the power of change. On this day I have witnessed the birth of a new U.S.A. My country with a new look. Much like 9/11 only with a happier circumstance, I can feel, through watching all of those smiling faces and eyes with hope over the nation. A collective stand as one. A nation ravaged/raped, by war, corporations, machinery, and mismanagement, finally having hope, something to cling to, something to be proud of. There is someone to truly represent what America was always supposed to be: acceptance and forward-thinking in the free world. What change will this day bring for my future children? This was too amazing to imagine.
**
What do I do to make this world a better place?
Is it an action, a thought, a breath
I've moved here on my own accord
First woman of many who've come before me.
To live the hard struggle of doing it alone.
I still struggle to show the meaning of why it was so necessary,
Why it is so important to do it on my own feet alone.
***
I personally think that Fiona Apple is one of the greatest lyricists of my generation and I wonder if the reason she is not so widely acclaimed as such is because she is a woman and/or hasn't massively self-destructed ala Amy Winehouse to some how physically prove her frailty...

Iphone...the saga continues

So after the 6th Iphone melt down I dragged all my Mac shit to the store and while I was there for three hours I have come to the realization that all of the apple geniuses are fucking HOT!!! I don't know what it is but every damn one of them are HOTTTT!! Seriously, the guy that was helping me couldn't figure out what was happening with my Mac and phone so he goes in the back and brings out this guy that is even hotter than he was. Now I want to work there, they've sold me.

I went to Boston on Sunday with my friend and got back yesterday. It was absolutely gorgeous. The color was still changing in some of the trees and the weather was completely on our side for the most part. I'm going to post the pictures on Flicker eventually. Boston is now on my official list of places I would go to school. When you live in a big city going out to see nature is so relaxing. I loved the yellows and red in the maple trees the most. I can't wait to go back there.

It's total east coast weather meltdown it's getting cold and I've been sick forever cause I am not used to it. Today at work someone brought this to my attention: Next week we will know who our next President will be (OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA) I'm kinda excited to be in NY for this cause it is going to be intense. It feels like doom or celebrating a new life. Crazy Crazy either way.

Method=excuse to be a dickhead!

I'm so sleepy, Shakespeare got no business being this long. Who am I kidding I love this shit. Now if I could just do it on an indoor stage with lights and action like a real girl! That's my main goal right now, however half hearted I look when I am offstage compared to all those crazy method actors working themselves up to ridiculous states of emotion. I don't believe that any craft/art requires you to kill yourself to do it. Can you imagine knitting getting you so worked up it gets you sick? or slapping yourself with paint all over your body as hard as you can so you can "feel the colors"? It sounds stupid cause it is stupid. That's why I don't get method people. In my opinion you have to do it naturally, to a fault, but I don't go for this "working up to it" shit. Especially when it gets violent and loud. (If you have worked backstage and acting you must have already witnessed this at some point) It just alienates the hell out of others.

The worst is is when actors come offstage and lose their nards after some missed cue or whatever bullshit distracts them onstage. If you get distracted by little shiny objects you probably weren't paying much attention anyway. Really people have fun, where else do you get to play pretend as an adult and people come and watch? Do you know how many people auditioned for the part you got? or hinted or dreamed? Be happy and grateful, you could have been one of the many underdogs. Seriously don't act like a jerk off. And for Christsake memorize your lines! There was only one Marlon Brando in this world and industry and there is a reason for that.

*****

Ok., as for the ass smell day 4 there is a fake rose smell whafting up the stairs like someone shot a perfume bomb. So now it doesn't smell of ass but artificial asshole+rose, I should bottle that and mail some scented letters to all my ex's just to let them know I'm thinking of them this holiday season.

*****
P.S. I fucking love Johnny Depp!! It's true it thought you'd like to know that I shamelessly think he is amazing and even in his shit movies he is still awesome to watch and everyone and thing else sucks.

Don't disturb the Monster under the sink!!

So about a the day before yesterday or so, there was a leak in the apartment that was affecting the downstairs apartments. The landlord came and cut a massive hole in the wall with the plumber so they could reach it and fix it. Problem solved, NOT. Yesterday in the morning I detected the faint smell of ass as I went back and forth down the community stair and by 7 o'clock the ass smell was penetrating through my closed bedroom door. I ended up hermetically sealing the hole my damn self cause God Damn if I was gonna wait for the entire house to smell like sewage. However the apartment downstairs reeks of ass outside the door, flies are collecting and I just saw a roach run under the stove where there is still the faintest whif o' asshole. Jesus I hope the guy didn't come home downstairs and die of the stink, seriously that would be sad, he seems pretty nice.

I fought him and won!!


Seriously, don't move this cardboard.


****
On a lighter note my friend Morgan and I made the journey across boroughs to Target. 5 month without it and I forgot how awesome it was. They had a sweet sale on blenders (which I have already Christened with Margarita) that made my day. I had to take a picture of the cart though, there was household products and underwear. We looked like the Desperate Housewives of Astoria.

Let's all settle this with a big glass of Hemp Milk!

I need to get out more. It's raining like a Mothafucker here. I like New York rain but not when I have to trudge across boroughs through it with my pathetic little umbrella that cost me a fortune. Tonight's our final dress and we open tomorrow. I'm as ready as I'll ever be. There's some good people on this show that I really like working with. I think I've said this before but my favorite scene to do is the Clarence murder scene. If you come to the show stay to watch that. Every night we get more and more into it. I love working with the Shakespearian "language" and as we get better I can hear the words clearly and this has become one of my favorite Shakespearian plays. I don't know about other actors but I don't get much of a grasp on scripts unless I hear them out loud whether I speak it myself or watch the show beforehand. This especially happens to me with Shakespeare.

I made the trek this morning in the rain to whole foods and while I was buying soymilk I noticed that they sell hemp milk. Now I will partake in the drinking of the soy plant, you got me there but Hemp just doesn't strike me as something I should drink even if it's Vanilla flavored. It made me think of that Lewis Black joke how it's Soy Juice cause there's no soy tittie, Where's the Hemp Tittie? HA, eww gross, I'm done....

Ratatouille and Rehearsal

It's incredible humid today in New York. I went down to Union Square, I wanted to make Ratatouille before I went to rehearsal. The stupid wholefoods paper bag burst because It was so wet from the humidity. It's supposed to rain again today I hope It happens soon so this cloud will go away. I can smell the Ratatouille baking in the kitchen. I used all local ingredients so It should taste pretty awesome. I think I made way too much though, I don't know what I'm gonna do with it all... Anyone want Ratatouille?

Rehearsals are going well, Last night the murderer scene was the best that It has ever been. It got me thinking of the nature of the beast. How you can have this amazing performance that you are so proud of but in the end it is a fleeting moment that can't be relived ever again in the same way. It lives only now in the mind of those few who were there to see it.... I hope we get good audiences this show, even if the play is 3 hours long....

Always the graceful one..

Graceful like Ballerina:

There's no graceful way to fall on your ass...

Note before I run out the door...

I made the trek across town to Kmart and now it looks like Martha Stewart broke into my apartment and threw up all over my kitchen! I don't know what it is with kitchen appliances and fixins but I get so excited like, "Oh, my god an onion cutter and apple peeler, I totally need one of those!" as if I didn't own a knife. Something about it also screams to my soul, "I'm a big girl now," which I love.
Last nights Journal entry (yes I really do think about things like this):
8.24.08
Sundays are lazy days in this city. For me it brings a wave of contentment and feels like a day long siesta where the city sits and sighs. Not much happens and all you feel like doing is sit and read and sip on a glass of wine. The traffic is sparse in the street. You can cross even the busiest roadways without waiting for the traffic light. The shops are closed and there's a stillness in Manhattan, maybe it's the calm before the storm. Maybe it's because I live in Astoria. I like the comfort of peace and not having the entire week bleed together.

Quickie!

A quick note but none the less exciting while my life is moving so fast I can barely keep up. I just got cast in Richard III @ ATA quite exciting. Merry Wives is going well too come and see it if you are in town... Much love I'll write more tomorrow I promise