Yes HE Can!

As I passed by the Brooklyn Diner on 57th St. last night all 4 of their T.V's were tuned onto Obama's address, watching history in the making. I woke up this morning and watched the speech that the show had me miss last night. It's absolutely refreshing to hear an address by a man who doesn't sound like Ernest addresses the nation. I wonder if the feelings I got watching this were the same as someone watching Martin Luther King jr. speak or JFK or Lincoln. I've been asked rather rudely at times if I think Barack Obama will change all the problems in this country, if "He'll fix things." All I can say is that I am tired with the struggles in this country and I have hope which is about all we can carry these days. Yes, I believe him.

Always the graceful one..

Graceful like Ballerina:

There's no graceful way to fall on your ass...

Note before I run out the door...

I made the trek across town to Kmart and now it looks like Martha Stewart broke into my apartment and threw up all over my kitchen! I don't know what it is with kitchen appliances and fixins but I get so excited like, "Oh, my god an onion cutter and apple peeler, I totally need one of those!" as if I didn't own a knife. Something about it also screams to my soul, "I'm a big girl now," which I love.
Last nights Journal entry (yes I really do think about things like this):
8.24.08
Sundays are lazy days in this city. For me it brings a wave of contentment and feels like a day long siesta where the city sits and sighs. Not much happens and all you feel like doing is sit and read and sip on a glass of wine. The traffic is sparse in the street. You can cross even the busiest roadways without waiting for the traffic light. The shops are closed and there's a stillness in Manhattan, maybe it's the calm before the storm. Maybe it's because I live in Astoria. I like the comfort of peace and not having the entire week bleed together.

I fell down went BOOM!

Last night during the show I twisted my neck the wrong way and stood up too quickly. I stood up to make my cross over the stage and blacked out and fell. It was beautiful, I recovered myself quickly and got off stage as quickly as I could but now I have a seven inch long bruise on my shin from the side of my knee down and a big 3 inch round one where my ankle meets my foot. Sleeping last night was impossible. Lord, I need to take some pictures of them, they're pretty amazing. I'm glad for the few days I have to recover.

Comic Time!

A letter to the man with the flag...

Dear Mr. President (or Future Mr. President),
I just spent a butt-load of money on Birth Control. I don't care what your religious beliefs are, I am not a slut, I'm a responsible woman. My question to you is why can't Birth Control be over the counter? I know you think that once young girls get ahold of that little circle box they immediately run straight for a career in the bordellos. Or that you think that by teaching them that abstinence is the ticket to letting them understand their reproductive rights but please get out of the way back machine. Move with the times man. I look now at these pop-icons of the new millennia, teenage girls and boys painted and posed by older perverted adults just to sell ratings. These shows glamorizing teenage sex as way better and much more fun than any sex that you could have as a mature adult. Teaching our kids to "get it while it's young".

I feel for the girls of this generation, they must be more confused then ever, growing up with their own icons pregnant before their 16th birthday or posing naked or provocatively for their boyfriend on the internet. It seems like such a toxic environment for our children full of sexual confusion much more so than any of the other confusion that goes along with growing up. How do you expect that abstinence only classes will work in this environment. I know your not a book smart man but open your eyes. The least we could do is teach our children to protect themselves if the pop-icons are doing such a piss-poor job of being role models. I think that if I can by condoms in a CVS store for $10 I should be able to buy my pills for the same, come on the tampax people already are ripping us women off by hiking up their prices. These are modern necessary items for a woman of this century and culture. Besides, you must agree that Birth Control does us girls from having that A-word that you hate so much, or we can always scotch tape young mens penis' to their leg until they are 18, that's your way of thinking right George? Because I personally am sick of you trying to decide what is wrong or right for my body. We are not living in 18th century England, girls and boys aren't chaperoned anymore. All I want is some friggin slack I don't want to have to jump through hoops to reap the "benefits" that should be readily available to me. P.S. As I am writing this George I am not currently sexually active nor am I pregnant so let that blow your mind.

Table for One...

One of my favorite things to do is eat good food, (next to another favorite of mine, cooking). Here I am in a city that has every kind of food you can imagine from all over the world. Tons of restaurants opening and closing all around me and I am too shy to explore. We'll that was until Saturday.
I always was the type of girl who thought that in order to visit restaurants you had to be accompanied by a man or friend or family. I always thought that it would be pathetic to show up alone, "Surely someone would go with you?" and I was afraid that the wait staff would treat me like I was a friendless lost puppy or something or that they would announce "Party of one or it would be like Disneyland when there is an odd number of people on a ride and they seat you with some stranger. The whole prospect of enjoying a restaurant seemed impossible. It's funny though, when I was traveling in Italy on my own I ate in restaurants by myself often; when I didn't want to eat where the group was eating or just wandering alone. I never had a problem with it, I guess I figured that it was a foreign country and I didn't speak the language fluently and by the looks of things it seemed to be the norm.

As I walk down the streets of my new city I love looking at restaurant menus in the window and telling myself, "I have to go here", "that sounds good" or "I wonder how that food tastes" or "what the hell kind of food do they eat in Ethiopia?" Always hesitating and being kind of sad and angry because who would come with me? I decided one day that I should just do it my damn self and not be so embarrassed by the whole thing (for some reason I think more women have this problem than men, I know men who eat alone at restaurants.) That on top of me being inspired to take some upscale cooking classes (I want to work with food as my next day job) forced me to just take matters into my own hands.

I chose my first restaurant: The Coffee Bar in union square. It's a diner style restaurant. I took my cell phone and my journal with me. To my surprise when I said "Table for One" the hostesses didn't even give me that second look that I was dreading and took me straight to a table. I was scribbling in my notebook the whole time they must have thought I was a critic. They had the best herb fries. I found the whole experience so empowering it was great I felt so relaxed there I spent an hour, which I never thought would have happened. I'm not saying I am resolved to eat every restaurant meal alone but it has it's perks.

Top Five Things that make dining alone awesome:
1. You don't have to make awkward conversation with anyone
2. You know who is paying for the check
3. No one expects "a happy ending" quid pro quo
4. You don't need to constantly worry if the other person is disgusted with the way you eat
5. You don't have to focus on the price side of the menu

Quickie!

A quick note but none the less exciting while my life is moving so fast I can barely keep up. I just got cast in Richard III @ ATA quite exciting. Merry Wives is going well too come and see it if you are in town... Much love I'll write more tomorrow I promise

Merry Wives Update

I've been quite busy for a few days. The show is going great, I'm really happy with it. Here are some pictures from it. Thus begins my NYC theatre debut!
Come see my play if your in town:


I get to carry a big stick and a big knife in this show:


Actors are messy:

I should just bath in a meat locker

I heart my new baby coffee maker! I heart it so hard! No more plugging money down the overpriced starbucks hole...It seems that the hot water heater is broken FUUUUCK! Now I smell like wet dog! I thought I had used up all the hot water yesterday and that's why it wasn't working but there's no hot water today either. Shit, I haven't had to take a cold birdbath in the sink since a S.D black out in the '90's that lasted a few days. NO fun, either that or I don't know how to use a radiator in the bathroom... I'm not in Antarctica or camping in the mountains, I want my Hot Water!!

Comic Time!

Talk to you later...

Miss Lulu has a Request

Too Much Jane Austen Meets Puggy Thoughts:


I finally picked up Pride and Prejudice after years of saying that it wasn't my thing but since I decided to do this whole side study of love and romance I thought I'd give it a chance. I'm actually liking it so far, it's not as painful a read as I thought it would be.
I miss my pugs so much. There was a storm this morning and I missed having them to hug with me under the covers. Stupid New York no pet leases. There's just something about a dog being there when you get home that is comforting. I've never been into Cats. I don't get their personalities and I am terribly allergic to them. Plus I love ugly dog faces, There's something about seeing a dog with a face that looks like it was hit by a frying pan that makes me laugh and smile.

How Come I Don't Climb Trees Anymore?

I've already mentioned that I am using the book: The Artist's Way by Julie Cameron. One of the tasks she gives is to write down things you enjoyed as a childhood. I like doing this because you don't know until you've thought about it what you enjoyed so long ago and what it means now. Things that you used to like you wonder "wow, why did I stop doing that" and "oh, yeah that must explain why ___". I thought I'd post some here, you should do your own.
Things I liked as a Child:
Coloring books
Writing stories
Flowers
Reading
Playing with Dolls
SInging
Disneyland
Jumping Rope
Climbing on things
Libraries
Beaches
Ice Cream Cones
Cookies
Taping things I liked to my bedroom walls
The Wizard of Oz

The Countdown & Reading the leaves

During last nights rehearsals it finally hit that we open in four days!! Oh my god that is so crazy. I'm ready for it, I'm excited, I saw the rough copy of the program and I was just in awe. Wow, my bio is in a NYC program. I'm doing theatre professionally this is such a dream come true. I feel like all my hard work and tears are leading up to this and whether or not people like the play or whatever anyone says about it, I am proud. To think two years ago when I gave all this up to just let it reside in the back of my brain as a silly dream that wouldn't happen, all the talks ("well if I ever decided to do this I would go to New York instead of L.A") about "if", has now become I am, and it's a wonderful feeling.



I'm currently reading Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass, I'm not going to front like I'm all smart, I'll admit it is fairly difficult for me to understand at times. The poetry is unlike anything I have ever read before and it is not easy to understand some of the ways he flows his words but there are quite a number of points that he makes and descriptions that I absolutely love. I saw a biography on PBS about him which got me interested in reading the book. A very tragic figure, but an incredibly powerful writer.

So I work for Stillness?

It's strange, you work and work and audition and audition to get cast in a show; now that I am in one I totally feel like I am slacking the work part. I understand that this is the pay off but it still doesn't get rid of the ants in the pants feeling, like I've got to work! Don't stop now! September auditions are creeping their way onto the casting boards some of them look o.k. We just got our flyers yesterday, I'll post here pretty soon. Let's see, I just saw Brokeback Mountain today, I know like a million years and a dead cast member later. It was really sad, I was surprised that I was so moved by it, even when I had already known the ending. Heath Ledger, what a Damn shame, very good actor, don't test with your lives young people, seriously we are not immortal no matter what the latest vampire book tells you.

Random thought before bed...

Umm, sorry but something about knowing that Harry Potter already has chest hair is so unsettling...
Just thought I'd mention it..

Finding Love at the Met

I once made a goal that I would find a painting that resembled my image of love, this was years ago, a kind of inside joke to a friend. I have finally figured out which one it is. If you could put all I want in terms of love into one image, it would be Pierre-Auguste Cot's Springtime. I see everything I could want is in this painting, protection, trust, loyalty, free-spirit, fun, everything in this image. It is supposedly at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, I went today to look at the modern art section (my favorite), I have to make another pilgrimage their someday to actually see it in person. I love the Met. I am always excited to go in there and see live Picassos in all their styles and Van Goghs, Pollacks are so crazy and celestial I love it. Today they had Warhols that I hadn't seen up close before. Most of the wing was blocked off which was upsetting considering you spend a half hour trying to dissect the poorly labeled map and then get hopelessly lost through the maze of ancient artifacts just to get to the first round of Modern paintings. But I managed to get my fill of what I wanted to see, I bought a little journal with a beautiful 1800's tapestry replica cover to keep with me at all times. I've been keeping daily journals, I've been really good about it, I'll post the entries here every once in awhile. Maybe I'll end up being another Anais Nin someday, I love her.

I didn't have Breakfast there but it was just as fun.

Holly Golightley spoke truth when she says nothing bad can happen to you at Tiffany's. I love going there and looking at all the diamonds, my favorite floor. All the delicate displays and the lighting makes everything sparkle like stars. The third floors hold the silver which I already have two pieces, both I bought after the two recent impacts that changed my life for the better. I think it's time for a new piece.

Rehearsal is going well, we get fliers on Weds, I'm so excited for it. It's wonderful to actually be an actor in a piece and watch it grow and shape in front of your eyes. I'm already loving each and everyone of my cast members. It's going to be a great show.

Brownies and Love

So Today I apparently proclaimed it International Brownie day. I made enough Brownies to feed an entire block. Yields 24 my ass. So now I don't know what to do with them all it's so ridiculous in a yummy chocolate way. So come on down and have a brownie!



I've been thinking recently about love and falling in love. It's been quite awhile since I have had a full blown relationship. Not really for lack of trying but more for lack of focus. My entire goal was to get here and as odd as it sounds I feel like I've left something in the ways of love behind. I know not to be silly, none of the men I dated in S.D wanted a relationship and I wasn't in love with any of them. At least not in the way that I ultimately want to experience love. It's strange, I'm trying to work out in my head when I became so cynical about romance, not that I was a little girl who dreamed of her wedding day, but I still loved Disney romance stories. When did I choose to look at love and say that's a sweet thought and all but not it's not going to happen. When did I become so full of responsibility and self-made duties that I ignored my deeply romantic side? Maybe in NYC I can search for these answers, find my heart I guess you could say. Right now, I would say that that portion of my life is missing.

Beautiful Rain Shower

Today during rehearsal the sky went from light to dark. The wind started to chill from flat and hot. It was one of the most beautiful things I ever saw, I looked up from the bench and the clouds were grey spun sugar rolling in the silver color that the sky had turned. It was like a fog machine I felt like i was incased in glass bulb that smoke was being blown into. The thunder here scares me more than it does in California. It completely surrounds you and you feel it in your body. The lighting outside my window lights up my entire room. It's haunting and I sometimes wish I wasn't alone in the house. Of course the harshest storms always happen when my roommate is gone.

Awesome sight of the day!

I just saw the most awesome thing at The Strand(Bookstore) today. It was this this old 1950's paperback pulp/smut book I can't remember the title but the caption read "He learned about sex from the servants, He practiced on the girls at school and now he wants a DARKED SKINNED WOMAN!!" yes it was capitalized and underlined too. And the picture was one of those old fashioned pinup style pictures with a man with no shirt on smoking on his side in a bed looking up at a woman not unlike Gina Lollobrigida in a white half slip and bra standing in front of him with her head thrown back. That really is everything, total triple threat! I was going to take a picture but those rare book section employees watch you like hawks. I didn't buy it because it had a lot of pages missing but now it looks like ebay time for me!