Missing pieces

I'm feeling slightly broody tonight. Things came up and now I am left with these thoughts that I am chewing over. I won't think on them too long though, they seem like puzzles that were purposely made with missing pieces.

I don't understand people who reminisce so fondly that they desperately were back in that time at that moment. Sometimes when I look back at people who are on the same path as when I left they look stuck; sad. Their face and body look older. Their eyes look sadder. And I feel as though I am looking at them across a chasm, I have to turn away.

I don't understand why people keep up false relationships for appearances (mainly I am talking about women here.) I will never hurt a friend but I refuse to maintain smiles when someone is abusive.

In the darkest corner of my mind I secretly hate it when men show their weakness so openly to me it's like seeing a car crash full of clowns. Especially so when I am not supposed to show any sign of complaint or weakness. It's one thing digging and talking it's another to walk up and puke all over my shoe, so to speak. I wish that baggage was saved for therapy.

It's so crazy, that the time came when I realized I had nothing to prove and I didn't have to ask anyone's permission to live. Then when I looked around the people I loved most were desperately trying to prove themselves to a nameless world while totally depreciating their own well being.